Hot Air Balloon Ride

I had some understanding this morning as I meditated with the hot air balloon image she shared at peer group last week. The image was meant for me, given to her by the Spirit on my behalf. I knew when she shared the image that I would need time to sit with it and go on a virtual balloon ride in my mind. This morning I "pulled that image out" to go for a ride and see where it took me. I've wanted to do a real hot air balloon ride for a long time and never have so I went into that imaging meditation expecting to thoroughly enjoy it, sailing high above the world, at one with the breezes, peaceful, exhilerated. But very quickly the ride was different than I'd expected it to be. As I began going up in the balloon, I began to fear the landing, being dragged in the bucket on the ground, or dumped out, hurt in some way. I began to realize that I wouldn't even enjoy the sailing part for fear of the landing. I realized I would prefer to completely miss out on the "good stuff" for fear of what "might" happen in the end. I prefer to keep myself grounded.



It saddened me to realize that that's the way I've come to do life. I often don't attempt things I could probably do and even enjoy because the fear of failure or getting hurt overrides attempting. My peer told me that in her image of that balloon she saw it snagged in a tree. When I imagined myself caught in the branches of a tree, I felt relief...oddly enough. I didn't expect that. But there was relief in being safe momentarily from having to land and risk getting hurt. So, although I wasn't enjoying sailing peacefully through the air, I wasn't feeling fear of the impending landing either. It felt preferable to just remain snagged, stuck, safely tucked into a tree. It felt nice not to have to make the decision of whether to go up in the balloon or not. For that moment, stuck in a tree, I felt I had no control over the situation. Ahhh...and no responsibility. It didn't feel bad to be in limbo...(heh...LIMBo)



And that's where I am right now in my life. I feel stuck, not risking, not reaching out. I sense that this will be changing, so I am willing to sit with this stuckness and accept it for what it is right now. I am willing to finish the meditation with the images and thoughts of the others in the group...loving myself and accepting where I am. My friend asked me to also sit with who might be controlling this hot air balloon. I think my fear is.